you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
