my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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