i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
