Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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