I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
