im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
