We're like a lot better than the average bears
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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