u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
