im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
