The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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