She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
