Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
