You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
