i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
