I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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