i love accidental penises.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
