you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
