I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
