you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
