It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
