Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
