i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
