I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
