the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
