Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
