They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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