First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
be right there i have to get my cape
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
