i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
