he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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