I faked an abortion last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
