sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
