she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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