Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
