Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
handjob tips. give me some.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
