we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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