Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
