Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
