I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
