it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
