I wish I could teleport
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
