i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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