Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
