Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
