Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
