I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
