I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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