And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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