Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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