the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
