She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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