he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
