omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
