Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...