I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...