Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
