theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.