it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.