you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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