new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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