ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
