Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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