It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
