I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
