Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
