Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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