When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
