im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
