just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
