If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
