Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
