the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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