i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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