There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
