So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
