You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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