Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
