Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
