I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
