just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
