There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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